Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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