And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
