is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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