how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
