saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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