Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
