Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
