I wish I could punch you in the face.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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