Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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