ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Randomize
