Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
