Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
