Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Why are your pants in the freezer?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
