I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
This is my gift to your gina
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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