it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
