Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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