found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
