My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
