We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
