is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
