did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
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