she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
