Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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