Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
