my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
