Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
