my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
