just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
