funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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