you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Randomize
