Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
