Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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