Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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