i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
