dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Two words: nipple clamps
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