yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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