This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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