you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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