Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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