chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
