and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
