My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
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I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
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I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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