You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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