My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
