five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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