eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
