she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize