Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
