yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
