Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
