Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
