I'm laying in your front yard are you home
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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