oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
