So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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