Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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