So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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