i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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