whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My vagina is very pro this idea
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
