I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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