So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
birth control should be required to get into college
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
