Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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