The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
