is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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