Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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