Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
