I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
