his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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