You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
