I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
