It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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