Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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