Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I think a kid would responsible me up
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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