I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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