You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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