dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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