i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
